you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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