handjob tips. give me some.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
