OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
