1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
