he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
