please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
