Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
