I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
