Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
