In America we eat man semen.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
please don't ironically join a cult
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