Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
