he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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