There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
