I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
