i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
