This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
