I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i think im in europe. pls send help
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
