This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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