We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
