you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
