it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Found the puke drawer
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
