i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
