Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is my gift to your gina
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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