Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
