We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
