Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
