at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
