The maid of honor just puked.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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