I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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