she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed