I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
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I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
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Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."