The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Randomize
