i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in