My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.