This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
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There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT