guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
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Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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