I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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