I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize