6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
we're so committed to being not committed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
