so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You dont lie about slip and slides
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
