She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How does one acquire holy water?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
wow bdsm is so cute
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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