yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
