Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
