I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
