I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
