Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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