I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
