3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize