I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
