Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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