She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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