I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
