Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
