i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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