you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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