i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
