ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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