Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
