He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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