YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
