Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
