Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's blow job season.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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