it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
