hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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