Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
