why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
