Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
