Say something about gay babies.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
