Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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