I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
