I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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