Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
