could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
