There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
