I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
